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SO THEN THIS IS WHAT I DID !!!!!

Sam Cutler

Two dear Aussie friends tonight offered me the perfect antidote to the 'woe is me' bullshit that can often 'attend' those who have to deal with cancer. It's easy (and natural) to feel sorry for oneself (of course) and I admit to feeling THAT .. for at least three minutes. I even had a little tear of self pity. And then my sweet friends said, let's light a fire. So beneath an Aussie sky dribbling with stars I sat beside a fire and burned away a trillion light years of worry and concern .. in the flames all that I was SUPPOSED to worry about, to be concerned about, vanished in lovely little sparks that reached to the heavens. I drank a bottle of vodka. Yes, a WHOLE bottle of vodka! ONE of the many reasons that I don't usually drink is that I have this bizarre bodily response to alcohol - it doesn't seem to affect me like it does other people. I don't get maudlin. I don't get sad. I certainly don't get aggressive. I kinda get 'reflective' and it makes me wanna write poetry. So there I was, sitting by the fire, with all of the days events and their slightly ominous implications attending me and poking the flames. And I was thinking about the people I love, the people I REALLY love, the people who have been so fucking kind and considerate, the people who have cared for me in so many ways, innumerable ways, in more ways than there are stars above us! And (I admit that I am drunk) I thought I shall write something for THEM. For every dear soul who has loved me. AND gawd knows I've wronged plenty of THEM in my ignorance selfishness and stupidity. BUT, here we are NOW. So much of what people write on Facebook lacks IMMEDIATE HONESTY. I wanna be real, I wanna love, I wanna care. I'm as fucked up as YOU are, I'm not automatically good at it!!!! But here we go!!! I looked at the flames, drunk as a skunk, I'm a 'bad buddhist' and THIS is what I wrote for every single soul who EVER cared about me:
"Hey you!
You with the stars dribbling all over your shoulders,
you with the heart that pumps the milk
around the milky way,
you with your soft bottomed shadow
falling for eternity,
you with a planetary flashlight
for a soul,
you who loves to defy gravity,
you with comets in your underwear,
you my darling space cadet,
my fellow cosmonaut ....
let us seed infinity, for
the rockets are gone, they have
departed ... 
they will arrive (I guess) but I am not concerned
about THAT
I reserve my attention for only one question ... 
why all this focus on leaving when we were here
so long ago ?
Are we to cooperate or compete ?
No OTHER question matters"

drunk, stoned, old and happy, telling it from the heart, KEEPING IT REAL, that's me .. can't do anything else .. the fire wont let me !!! 

(For Danielle Jacqueline Roberts and every other woman (and man) who's been so kind to me that I am rendered speechless) One love 


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